We humans have a deep need to think highly of ourselves. If our opinion of our goodness, greatness, and brilliance diverges enough from reality we become grandiose. We forget the role that luck may have played in our success, or the contributions of others. We imagine we have the golden touch. Losing contact with reality we make irrational decisions.
Signs of elevated grandiosity in yourself and in others - overbearing certainty in the positive outcome of your plans; excessive touchiness if criticised; a disdain for any form of authority. Counteract the pull of grandiosity by maintaining a realistic assessment of yourself and your limits. Grandiosity stems from our natural tendency to overestimate our skills.
In order to deal with grandiosity, we need to:
Understand why it is so embedded in human nature
Recognise the signs of grandiosity and know how to manage the people who display them
See signs of the disease in your yourself and learn how to control and channel it
Roots of Grandiosity
In our first months after birth, most of us bonded completely with our mothers. We had no sense of separate identity. She met our every need. We felt we had magical powers to control her. Later on in our childhood we are forced to confront the reality that our mother is a separate being who has other people to attend to. We are not omnipotent but rather weak, quite small, and dependent. This realisation is painful and the source of much of our acting out - we have a deep need to assert ourselves, to show we are not so helpless, and to fantasise about powers we do not possess. We alternate between moments of sensing our smallness and trying to deny it. This makes us prone to finding ways to imagine our superiority.
Some pampered children who did not confront their relative smallness are more vulnerable to deeper forms of grandiosity later in life. They become masters at manipulating others to pamper them and shower them with attention. They naturally feel greater than anyone above them.
In the past, we humans were able to channel our grandiose needs into religion. Hostile powers in nature that dwarfed our own were represented as Gods and spirits. By worshipping them we could gain their protection. Connecting to something much larger than ourselves, we felt enlarged.
The following factors are contributing to an increase in grandiosity:
Religions have lost their binding power
More people have experienced pampering in their childhood
Number of people who have little or no respect for authority or experts is increasing
Technology gives us the impression that everything in life can be as fast and simple as the information we can glean online
The Grandiose Leader
If people with high levels of grandiosity also possess some talent and a lot of assertive energy, they can rise to positions of great power. To awe us and distract us from the reality, they employ certain theatrical devices. The following are six common illusions they like to create:
I am destined: Grandiose leaders often try to give the impression that they were somehow destined for greatness. Look for the more mundane facts behind the tales of destiny and publicise them
I'm the common man/woman: These leaders present themselves as highly representative of the average man/women (even though they usually come relatively privileged backgrounds). They emphasise their cultural tastes to deflect from their actual background
I will deliver you: At times of trouble and distress, these leaders project self-confidence and are able to convince others that he/she will be one to deliver them from the many problems they are facing
I rewrite the rules: These leaders present themselves as mavericks who are able to do away with rules and science
I have the golden touch: These leaders try to create a legend that they have never really failed
I'm invulnerable: These leaders take huge risks and when these risks pay-off they are able to attract followers
Practical Grandiosity
Practical grandiosity is based not on fantasy but on reality. The energy is channeled into our work and our desire to reach goals, to solve problems, or to improve relationships. The following are five basic principles that are essential for attaining the high level of fulfilment that can come from this reality-based form of grandiosity:
Come to terms with your grandiose needs: You need to begin from a position of honesty. You must admit to yourself that you do want to feel important and be the center of attention. You have ambitions like everyone else. Only with this self-awareness can you begin to transform the energy into something practical and productive
Concentrate the energy: Fantastical grandiosity will make you flit from one fantastic idea to another, imagining all the accolades and attention you will receive but never realising any of them
Maintain a dialogue with reality: Once your project moves from the planning phase to execution phase - you must actively search for feedback and criticism from people you respect or from your natural audience
Seek out calibrated challenges: Look for challenges just above your current skill level (do not pick something grandiose that will peter out as you realise you are not up for it)
Let loose your grandiose energy: Once you have tamed your energy, made it serve your ambitions and goals, you should feel safe to let it loose upon occasion
This post is a summary of information provided in the book - The Laws of Human Nature, Robert Greene